We’ve updated our home page to increase your browsing pleasure. Don’t mention it. If you’re reading this on a smartphone or a tablet, you’ll see the screen is much more responsive to the touch of your fingertips. If you’re reading this on a computer, you’ll just leave smudges all over the monitor. Now please enjoy the imaginary conversation below.
So what’s new this year?
The introduction to this page. Haven’t you read it? It’s only a couple of inches higher up the page.
I don’t mean what’s new for the website. I meant what’s new for this year?
So many things: We’ve a raft of new drama projects, a couple of comedies in development, we’re working on two new musicals, there’s a play waiting to go into the West End…
Oh My God! We're rich!
Not necessarily. You know how long it takes for projects to turn into productions.
I keep forgetting.
That’s probably an age thing.
Will there be any more Birds of a Feather?
Well, the Christmas Special was watched by more than six million people so I certainly hope so.
What about The New Statesman?
People are talking to people.
Shine On Harvey Moon?
Probably not. You’ll have to watch the dvd.
So we're still here then?
I thought we were going to take things easier, now that we're old age pensioners?
So did I.
So what went right?
Well, for a start we stumbled into musical theatre.
How did that happen?
You know how that happened. You were there.
But the people who visit this site weren't there.
But it's all on this website, just above this dialogue; under "credits", under "about us"...
At least give the poor readers a hint.
Okay. We were introduced to the producers of Dreamboats and Petticoats. Then they asked us to write Save The Last Dance For Me, then we went back to Dreamboats and wrote Dreamboats and Miniskirts.
Currently touring the nation.
And what about TV?
What about TV?
How did we suddenly find ourselves responsible for the biggest hit comedy on UK television?
You were there!
But the readers...
All right, all right! Following a successful stage tour with the original cast. Birds of a Feather returned to TV at the beginning of 2014, and the viewing figures surpassed everyone's expectations.
Not mine either.
We still haven't said anything about radio, non-musical theatre, stamp collecting...
If we put everything on the homepage, no one will visit the rest of this fantastically sophisticated website. Besides, you don't collect stamps.
I was thinking of starting.
We haven't got the time, we're too busy.
Not too busy to update this site a bit more frequently?
No, we've got to do that. Our eager fanbase expect it. Besides which, we're now on Twitter - @marksandgran - so people can expect a constant stream of titbits.
I look forward to reading them.
We have to write them first.
Oh, is that how it works?
You have so much to learn.